I didn't want to talk about it again. I didn't want to be kept reminded of what he did. And how much it affected me. I'm hurting again. I've kept it too long to myself and just burst. I'm sorry for letting you see it when I should have been comforting you. And, I'm not blaming you for my breakdown. Maybe it was for the best. It's been long since I broke down in front of someone again. I'm glad it's you. You're one of the few people that didn't hate me. Just like what you told me. Thankyou.

Nobody. We're the same in that way, yeah? Like I said before, I can't express how much I'm thankful that you're right beside me, supporting and pulling me up. Thankyou.

It's lost.

Ilang beses ko na ba nsabi to? Nde ako kailangan dto. Sa minutong makita nla ang parte ng totoong pagkato ko, lgi n lng akong kinasusuklaman. Obviously, nde to ang mga totoong kaibgan ko, dba?

The first step, would be for me to get back on the right track. Dwelling would only make things worse. I'm slowly recovering. I can feel it. But I have to keep it going first. I don't want anymore rapid moodswings. If not, I'm seriously gonna ask my parents for a check-up. I looked up bipolarity in Wikipedia and it's scarily me. Maybe a few mood stabilizers might help me. I have to make sure that when I promise to be happy, I'll keep it. So I believe that this should be my first step. Please bear with me.

I'm not gonna say anything now. I just want to clear my mind and get back on the right track before I do anything reckless. I just need my alone time.

Thankyou, AteEos. In the end, I always look for you whenever I'm in my deepest shyt. No doubt, you guys can cure me in just one day. I look forward to next weekend. Thankyou so much. It really means a lot to me. I love you guys. (:

Glen's right. Since I have the shitload off my shoulder, I should forget about it and stop pondering. Which is what I've been doing, actually. But it still feels nice to be told that. What's done is done so I shouldn't look back anymore. I've been feeling better, actually. If I start thinking about it now, I'll just be wallowing in self-pity. We can't have that, can we? (:

Oh, shittystuff. I've been staying back, every single day, and reaching home after my mom. That's like, "YOU'RE LATE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!", kinda thing. Phew. Good thing my mom's not like that. Hahah. But, really though. Monday, we had the briefing for Wednesday's dialogue session. Today, did the cheer boards for the band competition this Saturday. Tomorrow, we have Social Studies PLUS History remedial. How fun! NOT. Thursday, Physics test after school. And, of course, cca on Friday. Band competition's on Saturday and I have Sunday class to deal with. Damn it. So unfair. "LIFE'S NOT FAIR, DOOOOOOOOODE!" >:D

I realized. If I can't handle my A math, I can't take a psychology course. Now, that just sucks. I don't have a back-up choice, y'know. If I did, it would be something along the lines of writing. Oh manzxc. Shitty TTM. I want my psch. course.. ):

I was happy today! At least, I made sure that I looked happy. Nothing seemed to changed or changing. And I'm not sure I like that.

I figured I was wrong for putting the blame on you. So, I'm sorry. Different people work in a different way. And I guess we clashed too strongly. I feel so stupid, realizing what I wrote in that card. Breaking everything that I ever mention. I realized that I played a much bigger part in this whole thing. I'm sorry and thankyou.

No more sleeping in class. Gonna do homework straight away, either at home or after school. Manage time. Organise myself. Show them what I'm capable of. I'm gonna change, whether people like it or not.

I really need you guys right now. I need your hugs. I need your laughs. I need your comfort. I don't want to stay here, anymore. I want to move where I'm near y'all. I want to laugh without worrying about my problems. I want to be happy.

I really hate this feeling. I wish I didn't have it in the first place. I let my guard down. I didn't listen to everyone around me. And then.. I was struck in my most vulnerable state. Where it hurt the most. You know what's the interesting part? I wouldn't have realized it if all these happened. Maybe it wouldn't have even developed. But what's done is done now. All that's left to do is move on. It'd be wrong to hope, knowing him.

Seriously. Thank you so much, Lizhen. For the information, the reality-check and, of course, talking to me about the whole thing without teasing me.

It really is a miracle, if I think about it. I feel so calm. So free. So relaxed. It's been so long since I've felt all these. I even feel like dancing. A day without school, homework and stress really does a lot. No more worries. No more physical and emotional pain.

I guess it was stupid of me to do it. Dig my sharp long nails onto my hand. But I swear, I wasn't thinking during those times. I was just so angry, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, aggravated and jealous. It was pure hate. I felt it. And I was even scared of what I might have done. I wanted to quit school. If that was all it took to get out of physical-hurt thoughts. Not suicidal thoughts but close to it. I was so damn scared of myself. Of what I might end up doing. But that's all over now. What I did last night, though was stupid and brash, was the right thing to do.

I really did just realised it. And admitting it was a pain to the pride. But it got me loose. All the confused feelings are gone 'cause i know the reason for all of those. Only Bryan, Shiyun and Yurong knows and that's enough. He's not worth the blue-black nail marks on my hand.

Lizhen and Michelle has been awesome too. You guys are the best. Thanks you for all the encouragement and saying that you'll always be here for me. I was just so touched, I started crying. I didn't realised that there are more people that are more loyal to me, cares more for me and worries more about me. Maybe all these was for the better. I'm seeing all those that actually care about me. And show it. I don't want to hate her just because she's my replacement. I only want to hate you.

I didn't want to talk about it again. I didn't want to be kept reminded of what he did. And how much it affected me. I'm hurting again. I've kept it too long to myself and just burst. I'm sorry for letting you see it when I should have been comforting you. And, I'm not blaming you for my breakdown. Maybe it was for the best. It's been long since I broke down in front of someone again. I'm glad it's you. You're one of the few people that didn't hate me. Just like what you told me. Thankyou.

Nobody. We're the same in that way, yeah? Like I said before, I can't express how much I'm thankful that you're right beside me, supporting and pulling me up. Thankyou.

It's lost.

Ilang beses ko na ba nsabi to? Nde ako kailangan dto. Sa minutong makita nla ang parte ng totoong pagkato ko, lgi n lng akong kinasusuklaman. Obviously, nde to ang mga totoong kaibgan ko, dba?

The first step, would be for me to get back on the right track. Dwelling would only make things worse. I'm slowly recovering. I can feel it. But I have to keep it going first. I don't want anymore rapid moodswings. If not, I'm seriously gonna ask my parents for a check-up. I looked up bipolarity in Wikipedia and it's scarily me. Maybe a few mood stabilizers might help me. I have to make sure that when I promise to be happy, I'll keep it. So I believe that this should be my first step. Please bear with me.

I'm not gonna say anything now. I just want to clear my mind and get back on the right track before I do anything reckless. I just need my alone time.

Thankyou, AteEos. In the end, I always look for you whenever I'm in my deepest shyt. No doubt, you guys can cure me in just one day. I look forward to next weekend. Thankyou so much. It really means a lot to me. I love you guys. (:

Glen's right. Since I have the shitload off my shoulder, I should forget about it and stop pondering. Which is what I've been doing, actually. But it still feels nice to be told that. What's done is done so I shouldn't look back anymore. I've been feeling better, actually. If I start thinking about it now, I'll just be wallowing in self-pity. We can't have that, can we? (:

Oh, shittystuff. I've been staying back, every single day, and reaching home after my mom. That's like, "YOU'RE LATE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!", kinda thing. Phew. Good thing my mom's not like that. Hahah. But, really though. Monday, we had the briefing for Wednesday's dialogue session. Today, did the cheer boards for the band competition this Saturday. Tomorrow, we have Social Studies PLUS History remedial. How fun! NOT. Thursday, Physics test after school. And, of course, cca on Friday. Band competition's on Saturday and I have Sunday class to deal with. Damn it. So unfair. "LIFE'S NOT FAIR, DOOOOOOOOODE!" >:D

I realized. If I can't handle my A math, I can't take a psychology course. Now, that just sucks. I don't have a back-up choice, y'know. If I did, it would be something along the lines of writing. Oh manzxc. Shitty TTM. I want my psch. course.. ):

I was happy today! At least, I made sure that I looked happy. Nothing seemed to changed or changing. And I'm not sure I like that.

I figured I was wrong for putting the blame on you. So, I'm sorry. Different people work in a different way. And I guess we clashed too strongly. I feel so stupid, realizing what I wrote in that card. Breaking everything that I ever mention. I realized that I played a much bigger part in this whole thing. I'm sorry and thankyou.

No more sleeping in class. Gonna do homework straight away, either at home or after school. Manage time. Organise myself. Show them what I'm capable of. I'm gonna change, whether people like it or not.

I really need you guys right now. I need your hugs. I need your laughs. I need your comfort. I don't want to stay here, anymore. I want to move where I'm near y'all. I want to laugh without worrying about my problems. I want to be happy.

I really hate this feeling. I wish I didn't have it in the first place. I let my guard down. I didn't listen to everyone around me. And then.. I was struck in my most vulnerable state. Where it hurt the most. You know what's the interesting part? I wouldn't have realized it if all these happened. Maybe it wouldn't have even developed. But what's done is done now. All that's left to do is move on. It'd be wrong to hope, knowing him.

Seriously. Thank you so much, Lizhen. For the information, the reality-check and, of course, talking to me about the whole thing without teasing me.

It really is a miracle, if I think about it. I feel so calm. So free. So relaxed. It's been so long since I've felt all these. I even feel like dancing. A day without school, homework and stress really does a lot. No more worries. No more physical and emotional pain.

I guess it was stupid of me to do it. Dig my sharp long nails onto my hand. But I swear, I wasn't thinking during those times. I was just so angry, hurt, frustrated, betrayed, aggravated and jealous. It was pure hate. I felt it. And I was even scared of what I might have done. I wanted to quit school. If that was all it took to get out of physical-hurt thoughts. Not suicidal thoughts but close to it. I was so damn scared of myself. Of what I might end up doing. But that's all over now. What I did last night, though was stupid and brash, was the right thing to do.

I really did just realised it. And admitting it was a pain to the pride. But it got me loose. All the confused feelings are gone 'cause i know the reason for all of those. Only Bryan, Shiyun and Yurong knows and that's enough. He's not worth the blue-black nail marks on my hand.

Lizhen and Michelle has been awesome too. You guys are the best. Thanks you for all the encouragement and saying that you'll always be here for me. I was just so touched, I started crying. I didn't realised that there are more people that are more loyal to me, cares more for me and worries more about me. Maybe all these was for the better. I'm seeing all those that actually care about me. And show it. I don't want to hate her just because she's my replacement. I only want to hate you.